Fall TV is back

From Maggie: So far, we haven't seen any new TV shows that we like. None has a dachshund, and most of the plots drag lower than a pregnant wiener dog. I had high hopes for Bionic Woman, but Bandit's not so sure. He thinks that other bionic woman is better looking.
Good news is that our faves are back -- The Office and My Name is Earl. We're pretty sure that Earl would have a dachshund if he didn't have his brother Randy to take care of. And, in this week's episode of The Office, Pam saw Steve Carrell's character's wiener. After all, it's all about us. Sort of.

Countdown to race time

It's down to 6 days before the big race! It's going to be a big dachshund event, and we can't wait to go. We just know we'll be the stars, and we know we'll meet lots of fun friends. Bandit even hopes he'll get to have some beer at Oktoberfest.

Wiener Wonderwoman wins!

From Bandit: Maggie's new Derby name has been selected: Wiener Wonderwoman. Ankle Biter came in second, and it would've been a good one. She bites me on the neck all the time. She keeps calling me Butt Munch, but I don't bite her in the butt, so I don't understand. Now we've got to find her some skates. Maybe she'll roll into George the Neighbor's garage.

Story from mom's work

From Bandit: So mom comes home and is laughing about some woman who called her at work today. Apparently there was a news story about a guy who had amnesia and couldn't figure out who he was. This woman said she was a psychic and wanted to help him but wasn't sure who to call.
She thought it was funny. I don't think I get it, but she's still laughing.

Outside, inside

From Maggie: Well, we've been on the porch or outside all weekend. Mom came home early Friday, and we got to go outside early to play. We chased some squirrels, visited George the Neighbor and had a lot of fun in the back yard. Bandit went into the bushes, but never could figure out what was in there making a lot of noise. We tried to talk to it, but it wouldn't answer.

I guess Mom thought we were too noisy because she made us sit on the porch for the rest of the afternoon and took Ernie the Cat inside with her. She wouldn't let us in at all. Ernie made faces at us through the window. I'll get him for that later. I know where he likes to hide things, and it'd be too bad if they smelled like dog pee when comes to get them.

Godzilla! No wieners!

It's Ernie the cat: Yep, it's my turn. Wiener dogs are outside, and I'm inside. (Purr.) Mom threw them on the porch because they wouldn't quit yapping. She came home early from work yesterday with a stomach virus. (I figured that out when I jumped on her stomach and she nearly launched me across the room.)
She thought she'd let the dogs have some outside playtime since she was home, but they yapped at George the Neighbor, squirrels, a school bus, Something They Heard in the Bushes But Couldn't See, and the ceiling fan. She made them stay on the porch until dad came home.
I got to stay with her on the sofa, since she was feeling really bad.
She felt better when she realized that there were 5 Godzilla movies free on cable this month and one of them was Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla -- it has a visit from Mothra and the twins as well as a psychic who can communicate with the big spikey guy.
I'm on mom's lap, the wieners are outside and there's a Godzilla movie on.
All is right with the world. (Purr.)

Dog shows and reality

We generally don't post twice in one night, but there's a dog show on TV and we can't avoid making a few observations.
First of all, the hound group's on right now -- that's our group -- and we know that all these people surely don't call these dogs to dinner by those long, pretentious names. At least, we hope not.
Scentesia's Shake Rattle'n'Roll? Tiara Ne-Ku Chariots of Fire? Caramel n'Haywire Mocha Sorbet at SK JH? Renaissance Lord of the Dance AKA Connor? What?
We really don't want to be called by our long names: Catrons Dashing Maggie May or Air Bandit Express. That would be embarrassing. We'd get beaten up by the neighborhood cats if mom shouted those across the back yard.
And another thing: The announcer seems genuinely bothered that it's no longer legal for dogs to hunt antlered game in the U.S. Gee. That's too bad. How would he like to get gored by pissed-off mountain goat?

Everyone wants to be a wiener

Our friends Precious and Snickers the chihuahuas sent us an interesting link today. It's a picture of a big zucchini that's been turned into a yard-art dachshund.
It's true that we just like to say "zucchini" but it's also true that we're a little disturbed that now people are finding ways to turn perfectly edible veggies into yard art. You know, last week, we went on a little rant about mom's yard-art habit, and we're worried that Precious and Snickers are enablers.
And now we've learned about this site: We're afraid Mom will soon be putting a dachshund on her little car.

Is it fall yet?

From Bandit: Wow. All the wildlife is moving around. There are tons of great smells out in the yard today. I've followed one good one all the way across the yard and over to the neighbor's house. I haven't smelled it in a while, and I'd really like to see the animal that brought it. The yard moles are digging again, and I've made a pretty good trench near mom's pink impatiens again. She'll understand, because she doesn't like moles either. (I tried to nose the plants back in the hole, but I think she'll have to do it.)
And Ernie brought us another dead baby snake today, too. He's found a bunch. Don't think mom's too happy about that, but she figures dead baby snakes are better than live adult ones. He's a good hunter.
Is mom frying bacon?

New poll: Maggie's Roller Derby name?

From Bandit: You all must help figure out Maggie's derby name. The poll's on the left of the page under our pictures.
She's convinced she will be able to skate, and she keeps banging into me when I run across the yard for practice. Please help me.

Oh to be a roller dog!

From Maggie: I gave my staffers the night off, and they went to roller derby night to see the Savannah Derby Devils. And they didn't take me, and I'm not real happy about that now that I know where they've been.
For the record, I love roller derby. If I had skates, I'd be really good, too, like my favorite Devil Fear Abby. I don't have elbows, so I wouldn't have a problem with fouls. I'd be able to cut between skaters' legs and really cause a pile-up. I'd be a great jammer, too, squirting in and out of the pack.
I'm getting a devil costume. Once I get a derby name, no one can stop me.
P.S. If I get enough suggestions, maybe I'll make a new poll and you can vote on them.

Glad it's Friday

From Maggie: Finally. The staff is back. They've been gone a lot this week, and I am so tired of waiting for them to come home and feed me. Last night, they went to a banquet thing and didn't get home until waaaay past dinnertime. It's not like we have thumbs and can get into the food barrel and fill our own bowls.
So finally Staffer Mom gets us our food and then Bandit comes over and tries to eat mine. I really just couldn't take any more and yapped at him. He snapped back and we both got in trouble with mom. Bandit's such a pig. It's not like he really needs to eat all that anyway. He could definitely do a smaller look.

Do we put out plastic people?

Mom has this fascination with fake yard critters. She's always had some sort of thing in the backyard: a plastic pig rooting in the garden, a smiling metal sun standing near the tall flowers, a steel-rotor-body cat birdfeeder luring birds to lunch.

At the beach, she always insists on having at least 2 pink plastic flamingos guarding the yard from hurricanes. (They haven't worked very well at all.)

We're a little less amused at her later acquisitions. She now has 3 dachshunds made of scrap metal. She calls them "yard art." We have other names for them and sometimes we pee on them.

And then there's the last thing: a yard wiener with green moss all over it. Mom says it's a "topiary." And most disturbing, it's the same size at Maggie. We've named it Mo for "mom has one mo dachshund." We wish she'd stick to flamingos, but you can vote on what she'll do next in our new poll.

New pen: Day 6

From Bandit: Remember the cool pen they got for us last week? I can dig out of it!
Dad's a little frustrated, and Mom just moved it onto the rock porch. I think I know how to get out of it there, too. Give me another day or so. This is kinda fun.

We went to the big park!

From Maggie: Mom and Dad -- whom I'm now referring to as "my staff" -- took us to Forsyth Park today.
We took the limo, and then on leashes, we toured the fountain.
We got to meet other "wiener people" and we heard them planning the upcoming race day in October.
More importantly, we got to sniff at other dogs, including a big furry one, one with big eyes and no snout at all (how does he breathe?), and another one that had ears that actually stood up!
It was obvious that they were in awe of us.

New poll: Thanks for letting us stay

Whew! Looks like you've saved our bacon.
Everyone voted to let us use the computer, but apparently didn't trust us enough to let us keep the credit cards to order more stuff. And no, we don't order porn any way. Whatever: We still get to blog!
This week's poll: US Open fashion. (We were going to do a poll on how long you think it would take us to get out of the new "playpen." But....we'll post about that later.)
The new question is to your left.

One month! It's coming!

The best day of the year is coming soon. It's the Savannah Wiener Dawg Races -- the one day all year when people must bow to the dachshund world. Yay!

We got a preview of the new web site for it today, and there are pictures of lots of our friends there. You can see pictures from last year, see the rules for the games and order cool shirts and stuff. There's even a picture of dad when he volunteered last year.

If you decide to race your wiener, you can even register online early. That's a big deal, because you won't have to stand in a long line when you could be sniffing new buddies or checking out the cool giveaways. There will be a costume parade, too. We expect each of you to show up ready to race or just looking good.

You've got to come to the races!! It's too much fun!!!
(and for some of you: mom said to say "Yes, there will be beer.")

Holiday surprise

So Labor Day came and went -- we like holidays because mom and dad are home more with us. This year, though, they decided to make sure they wouldn't have to chase us so much. And granted, we did find a way-cool hole in the back fence where we could go visit the neighbor's cat any time we wanted.

Here's how they presented the new thing: "You can be out in the yard more, no matter what we're doing."
That sounded ok, and then we saw it. It unfolded from a plastic block into something that looks more like a 6-sided playpen for urchins.

After a day, this is how we feel:
Bandit: It's not so bad, but I can't dig quite as freely. Wanna rub my ears?
Maggie (right): I hate it. I hate mom. I hate dad. I hate the yard. I hate Ernie for sitting in the yard chair and watching me. I hate you all.

Fuzzy-ball fashion

From Maggie: Ok. It's been raining, so I've had a great chance to take a long look at more US Open fashion. All I can say is this: Venus has a future outside of tennis. Every outfit she's designed has been terrific. Of course, if anyone else wears the design, they'll probably look like a ruffled green vienna sausage. (I could wear them well.)
Serena's the only one who's been able to pull off the Nike black and pink, but I'm convinced the smocky design is because she's put on a bit of weight since her calf injury. (Mom says that happens when you hurt your leg. But mom could be rationalizing.) And, I'm a little testy about Maria's demise. She had some wicked dayside outfits.
As for the guys, they are all wearing the same thing: Nike diagonal-stripe shirts. The only one who can wear them well is Rafa, and mom says he can wear anything. (Why would he wear just anything?)
And hey...did anyone see how Vaidisova demolished that tennis racket the other day? When they asked her if she felt bad about the tantrum and the "redesigned" racket, she said "It deserved it."
She's my new hero.

Mud has its price

Bandit here: Mom says we've had 15 inches of rain. All I know is that the water in the back yard is up to my hips, so I can splash around. I didn't like it at first, but then I remembered how soft the dirt is in the flower bed.
But dad found out I was in the mud. The humiliating video shows the rest.
One day I'm going to eat mom's camera.

Please vote in our poll

We've changed out the poll question for the week (on the page to your left), and it's important for you to vote. Our ability to blog and order stuff online again may hinge on it. Mom says she will live by the results.

As for last week's question "Will dad's beloved Cardinals pull within 2 of the Cubs ever again?": By mid-week, Dad had declared it was obsolete since the Cardinals had pulled back within 2 of the Cubs. But we left it up, and it's a good thing we did. Those Cards never really made it past that, and now the Cubs are up again. Dad was proud that his friends came out to help him declare that the Cubs always fold. (We remind him that these votes have absolutely no meaning.) He says he knows who voted for the Cubs to do well, and he said something about payback being ugly. But we know he won't hurt you. Thanks to all who voted.

Rainy days=Soft dirt

Bandit here: Wow. We've had a lot of rain. And that's good since the drought made the ground hard, and I had trouble pulling out the tree roots I'd been working on. But today, I managed to pull up a few roots. I'd started working on the crape myrtle when it started pouring again. I'll let you know how I do tomorrow. It should be positively muddy!