Friday, December 28, 2007

Time out

It's possible that we'll be offline for a few days as we play at the beach.
If we are, we're sorry for the silence, but we promise to let you know everything we learn over the holiday.
Happy New Year!

Real dogs don't squeak

Staffer Mom's been home for a couple days. And while we like the decent service we're getting, she's really cramping our style. We have to stay in the yard and we have to stop barking at things we can't see or Ernie or George.
Today we discovered the side neighbor Jane has a new puppy named Tia. It's a 12-week-old chihuahua that would fit in our smallest food dish. She lets it run around on a leash outside her front door. It seemed nice enough, and all we wanted to do was say hello. We swear.
Anyway, the little mouse-looking thing thought we were going to eat it and it squeaked really loud and its staff came running out. Staffer Mom came running from the yard, and it got really out of hand. The little thing was shaking like creme-colored Jell-o, and Maggie thinks it peed on itself when it saw Bandit. We don't know what happened after that because Mom made us go in the house and stay on the porch.
Here's the thing: If it's really a dog, it needs to act like one. It didn't even have fur.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


We'd like to share a few milestones we hit this week:
- We've posted our 100th blog entry. (Not bad for mammals with no thumbs.)
- Our page views topped 1300. (What are you all thinking?)

We'll be celebrating those and our New Year's at the beach this year -- the staff finally told us they'd take us down there for our own party.
So, if you're in the area, we'll be on Pensacola Beach on New Year's Eve. We're not likely to see someone get Tasered this time, but there's always hope.

Come on's the pink house before the spaceship. Look for the lights on the deck!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

It's Christmas Day!

First of all: This stocking thing sucks. We didn't get anything other than snackie treats. And then Bandit got greedy and got the stocking stuck on his head. Oh well. Another day with his head in hole. Big whoop.

Monday, December 24, 2007

A Christmas Carol from us

We're singing our new special song for you...sorry there's no audio. You'll just have to pretend it's to the tune of "Jingle Bells." Here goes:

Dashing through the yard
On a soft-dirt rainy day.
Through the flowers we go
Snorting all the way.

Bells on Ernie ring
Scaring birds away.
What fun it is
To dig and trail
The varmints every day.

In the yard,
Through the mulch,
Under piles of leaves,
Oh what fun it is to be
A wiener hound indeed!



Sunday, December 23, 2007

Busy holiday weekend!

From Maggie: Wow! It's been a real fun time indoors and outdoors for the last day or 2. As we'd mentioned, Grandma's here, so that's fun....there's always more stuff for us to check out and there always seems to be more food around to drop on the floor. It's never a bad time. And outside, it's been raining, so the ground is nice and soft. The mole traffic has been steady, so there are plenty of trails for us to snort through.

Last night, the staff thought it would be funny to put a Santa cap on Bandit and reindeer horns on me for a picture in front of the Christmas tree. Right. First of all, I'm not sure why I got the horns. Anyway, they ain't staying on my head, and Bandit's just a big ol' wienie for letting them put the hat on him and pull his ears through the little elastic strap. What an idiot.
Anyway, the photo session was probably not what they'd planned. They did try to bribe us with snacky treats, so we ate as many as we could. Whatever. We'll post some of the photos because we know they'd want us to put them up (and we know they suck).

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Grandma's here!!

That means lots of things....more treats, more time in the house, more chances to run around the kitchen and pick up scraps. AND, she let us have RIBS!!! Yep, she brought home ribs for dinner with the staff, and we got bones from it. Dad made sure we didn't choke or fight, so that was good. Now we're just plain tired, and headed for the couch.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Max rules!

The Grinch's dog is really one of the unsung heroes of the holiday screen. Max the dog -- obviously a dachshund mix -- is a wonderful foil to the mean green guy in the genius work of art in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." It remains a holiday classic for its good nature and the brilliant writing and artwork of its creators.
We don't often show our artsy sides, but it's important for us remind all of you about the best piece of Christmas spirit out there.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Hawes buddies return!

Hey check out the comments from our last entry! We've heard from our racing buddies on the USS Hawes. How could they have known Staffer Mom was wearing her Hawes hat this weekend?
It seems that Cricket, Pretzel and Skipper are in line for some amazing goodies from Santa this year. They've become regular foster siblings for doxies who don't have homes. So far, they've hosted three new buddies on their ways to new homes. It's sad to think there are so many doxies without homes or staffs to keep them warm and fed.
So kudos all-around to the Hawes Team, their staff and others for taking good care of others.
Skipper, Cricket and Pretzel: Let us know how you're doing again soon! Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Busy wiener weekend

There's been a lot going on this weekend. It's been raining and really warm and now it's gotten dark and really cold. We took a run through the neighborhood while Dad was grilling the staff dinner. I'm not sure he was pleased about that.

All in all, it's been a very successful two days. We've dug lots of holes -- one mole trail went from under mom's potted plants near the porch all the way across the yard, under the blooming pentas to the soft spot near the bird bath. We dug out most of it, but moles were already gone. It was easy since we had some rain. Mom wasn't real thrilled that we had to go under the pentas, and Bandit (at right with a snoot-full of dirt) nearly got beaned when the potted coleus fell over. But, it was a good exercise.
We figure if we dig up enough trails, the moles will take the hint and go. Of course, then we'll have to dig up something else!

And a couple notes:
- A shout-out to Uncle Brad. We see your Dolphins finally won a game! Yay!
- As of today, 1241 people have looked at something on Lowdogworld. Wow! Thanks for stopping by!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Winter at the beach

We know that most people like to go to the beach in the summer, but we've always been partial to winter. First of all, there are fewer cars, less noise, and it's beautiful. The deck boards and pavement don't burn our paws, either. The sunsets are incredible. We can see them from the back porch on the deck. It's rare that we can see tall things or big things up high, but out there we can see the world. We like that.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Strange weather

We know the staff brought us to the South so we'd stay warm, but every now and then we want it to get just a little cold so we'll appreciate the decent weather here. So right now, we're wondering why it's 80 degrees in December. Mom's plants are still blooming in pots out back, and a poplar tree in the front yard is showing more tulip than leaf.
Ernie has his big winter coat on, so this can't be easy on him. But he sleeps all the time when he's not chasing mice in the culvert, so he's coping.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Car trip!!!!

We’ve been gone for a few days, and we apologize for the silence. We hope we can make up for it with this post.
We decided to try to do what we believe is the first live blog by wiener dogs. Sadly, it couldn’t get posted as quickly as we’d hoped since the wireless signals weren’t working. Oh well. We told the staff we needed better technology. Here's our live blog copied over to a post from our trip.

THURSDAY: Early this morning we saw Dad take the leashes out to the limo….and that meant only one thing: Road trip!
He thought he could get them past us, but no way. Then we heard the hatch on the limo pop, and we knew it was going to be more than a quick trip to Forsyth Park – Grandmas’s house? A visit to Sidda and Seamus? Wait.
Watch for it….watch for it….there goes Dad’s white music block and funny ear things…. a couple bags of junk food….watch for it….. Mom’s packing up 2 bottles of wine and …….watch for it…….a bottle of tequila! WE’RE GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!!

In the car! In the car!
Mom says if we don’t calm down, we can’t do our live blog. She’s willing to type, but we have to focus. We’ve never blogged a road trip before, and we know our regular crew will want to know what happens along the way. Staffer Dad, our driver, says he’ll even roll down the windows for us now and then.

8:20: We’re pulling out now….but Driver Dad says we’ll have to stop for gas and breakfast. We don’t know why. We’ve already eaten and Bandit has plenty of gas.

Drive-through windows are torture for us. It generally means that others get food and rudely eat in front of us. This time was no different. If we could only taste that Egg McMuffin…..
As we’re jolted back to reality, Driver Dad tells Bandit to keep his nose out of the hash brown. (Is that what they call that squished brown thing?)

We’re not even a few miles out of town and Driver Dad’s already cursing the left-lane drivers. We wonder if that old lady even knows she’s keeping us from getting to the beach.

Uh oh.
Bandit’s in trouble. He just started pulling stuff out of Staffer Mom’s purse again to look for gum. She didn’t have any, but he did hit paydirt with a few old Tums. Last time he got in her purse, he punctured her Belk’s charge card right through the magnetic strip and she wasn’t happy about that. We’re going to take a nap for a bit so she’ll chill.

Rest stop!
Mile 318 on I-10: We love rest stops! And this is one of our favorites on the way to the beach. It has great smells and deep grass. Today someone’s been piling up pine straw in little piles all over the dog park. We were able to pee on every pile! Almost missed one, but Bandit hit it as we had to head for the car. You have to set goals, you know.

Seems like there are a lot of cows out there. Must be cool to sit in the field and watch cars all day. It might get boring after a bit, but we bet they see lots of neat stuff.
We saw one truck with some neat art on the back of it that said Mtha Fkr on it. We’re not sure what that stands for. Mom says that good graffiti artists should know how to spell. We don’t think she should edit art.
We’ve also seen a lot of big boxy cars that Mom says are full of “snowbirds.” So why can’t they just fly where they are going? Mom says they are too old. Dad told her to be careful about making remarks about old people.

Have you ever noticed how kudzu vines make big trees look like big monsters hanging over the road? They aren’t monsters, though, because they didn’t run when we barked at them.

OH WOW! Mom says the next stop is to see LASSIE! Maggie’s always liked the Lassie legend, but never really believed one dog could be all that great. In general, we’d like to meet a dog that is recognized by humans to have more sense than most humans. This is exciting!

We just passed a sign that said “Dog Track.” Is that bigger than a Dog Run or Dog Walk?
Mom says we can’t stop there. But we want to!

Mile 216 on I-10: Dead animal update:
Raccoons: 4
Deer: 1
Possum: 3
Chickens: 1
Old truck tires: 9 (We know they aren’t animals, but they make funny shapes on the side of the road, so they are worth counting.)

This is terrible. Mom didn’t say “to see Lassie.” She said Tallahassee. There’s nothing here. This is awful. We really wanted to see Lassie. DAMMIT.

Mile 158 on I-10: We just got behind two double-decker trucks full of real live cows. Mom thought it smelled nasty, but we thought it was pretty wonderful. Driver Dad did roll down the window for us as we passed. We like the window down, but all the nice cow smell went away.

Bridge! We’re across the water and we see a train and a bunch of men in orange vests and trucks and lots of concrete. This was the bridge that fell in the water during the storm, but it looks pretty sturdy to us. The air smells good.

And now we’re in Pensacola and there’s another bridge and lots of birds. And more cars and more birds.
Hey! There are our toll booth friends with the cool shirts with big flowers and the big water tanks with dolphins on them. We’re at the beach. FINALLY.

Final trip tally:
Dead Raccoons: 4
Dead Deer: 1
Dead Possum: 5
Dead Chickens: 1
Old truck tires: 15
Slow people in the left lane worth cursing: 5
People who fell prey to the blue light people: 7
Men in orange vests: 4 small herds.

4 p.m. Central: We’re here; we’re on the deck. It’s dinner time! Where’s the food?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Stupid human news

We think it's time we talk about stupid events humans think are news. First of all, we count on our humans to worry about things that matter in the big world - anything that affects how we get food and how often they'll be home. So when stupid stuff takes their attention from those important things, we think it's bad.
For instance, mom's been on the phone all weekend dealing with some stupid, threatening behavior by a washed-up talk show host. And granted, it's never OK to threaten to blow up anyone, especially a teen-ager who's working really hard. But why do people just go crazy over news like this? Surely there are more important things to wonder about.
Just to make our point, we just checked a news site to look at stories people are reading.
Here's this hour's sampling from the web headlines:
- "Cat rescued after 19 days with jar on his head": It was a peanut butter jar. He got in; he can get out.
- "Ozzy Osbourne's bat coat fetches $3,300" - If Batman needs cash, we wonder what the Batmobile will bring? Will the lagging real estate market affect the Bat Cave's market value?
- "Baking soda could help save planet" - It sure helps save Ernie's litter box.
- "Giant snake is boy's best friend" - Every boy says that.

Our point: None of this matters. Except that the talk-show host threats made our dinner late 2 nights in a row and made mom late to get home. That did matter. Next time they leave the TV remote out on the sofa, we're not watching his show.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

How 'bout those Mildcats?

So as our poll closed today, the UK Wildcats had more than a snoot-full of the Tarheels. Another year of dominance for the Heels.
In the poll, we learned that Dook fans anytime, followed by Auburn fans who are out of beer, actually are more obnoxious than UK fans. Wow. That's big. We probably should have considered the option of UK fans after a rich Hot Brown in the bathroom line....but that's another poll. If you've had a real Kentucky Hot Brown, you'll know what we mean. That menu item used to give Dad the fits.