Games we can play

So, we learned today from our friend Clarence about a dachshund game you have to buy.
Here's the link.

We'd play this for free if you'll give us some treats!

Maggie's quest

Today, we found a web site that shows you what Maggie thinks she's going to look like after her diet is over. Apparently, you can get this design on a T-shirt, and Bandit thinks the staff should buy one for each of them to remind Maggie about how little she gets to eat.
(If you don't have a dachshund, you can find skeledogs of any kind at skeledogs.com.)

Also, the vet has recommended the staff give Maggie small carrots as snackie treats. Aunt Lesley says her dog will eat them IF they've been dipped in beef bouillon. Well, heck, we can think of lots of things that will taste better dipped in beef stock!

Anyone got a better low-cal idea?

Life's a Maggie

From Bandit: It's been a long weekend, not because we haven't had fun, but because Maggie's on a diet. The result of all this is that Miss Priss has gone from being a plain ol' brat to something that's way beyond surly.
She growls when we sit on our pillow. She's grumpy when we go outside. In the house, she continuously sweeps through the kitchen looking for food. At night, for snackie treat time, she only gets a half-piece now. Granted, as Staffer Dad says, "she doesn't know half from Shinola." But she's pretty certain she's been shorted.
Well, all I know is that she's been taking up too much space and now she's tough to deal with. I think I'll ask to go to work with Staffer Mom tomorrow.

Wow, What a Find!!!!

From Bandit: Boy, what a great night this was!!! When Staffer Dad let us out, I went behind George's house and found the best snackie treat ever - a great big bird!!!! He was just lying there. I think Ernie must have been playing with him and left him behind for me. He (the bird, not Ernie) was tasty. I brought the bird back to the yard, but when Staff Dad saw it, he called me by my first and last names, so I knew I was in trouble. But I didn't care because it was really good. Staffer Dad said he didn't like the crunching noise it made when I bit its head, and he tried to take it away from me. But wouldn't let him have it. It's now buried in a really safe place. Boy what a great night this was.

From Maggie: Birds are gross and Bandit's a pig.

More staff issues

We're sorry for taking so long to post, but we have had more issues with the Staff. Staffer Mom is still out of town and we're beginning to think Staffer Dad is out to lunch. He did finally get us some snackie treats, but the new ones simply are not as good as the ones he usually buys. This is disturbing. We would have thought he would be more attuned to what we need and want. He is finally starting to feed us on time, but he isn't providing us with the attention we require. We're spending too little time in the house and too much time on the porch. And what's with these old TV shows he's watching? It's a bunch of guys sitting around a bar; every once in a while, some fat guy walks in and everyone yells "Norm." We need a Law and Order. And we need Staffer Mom back to bring order to this chaos. Staffer Dad says she'll be back this weekend. We hope so.

Staffers turn slackers

Staffer Dad's on our poop list and Staffer Mom's working her way to it. Dad left our box of snackie treats at the beach last weekend, and we haven't had one in a few days. Staffer Mom's packing a suitcase and she says she'll be gone for a couple weeks for work. This behavior is really unacceptable. If Dad's going to be here with us, he's got to be a bit more responsible about our snackies. And when Mom's gone, our schedule just goes to poo. Dad feeds us late, keeps us up late and tries to take us walking for miles on end.

And on top of that, we hope the blog won't suffer. Staffer Mom is a faster typist than Dad. When she's home, she's always willing to help us out. Dad watches basketball while he he's transcribing our notes and gets things messed up. It takes a lot longer to say what we need to say and he tends to get sucked in to ESPN rather easily. So we should warn you now: It's going to be a weird couple of weeks. Who knows how grumpy we're going to be?

It's Christmas Day!

First of all: This stocking thing sucks. We didn't get anything other than snackie treats. And then Bandit got greedy and got the stocking stuck on his head. Oh well. Another day with his head in hole. Big whoop.

Busy holiday weekend!

From Maggie: Wow! It's been a real fun time indoors and outdoors for the last day or 2. As we'd mentioned, Grandma's here, so that's fun....there's always more stuff for us to check out and there always seems to be more food around to drop on the floor. It's never a bad time. And outside, it's been raining, so the ground is nice and soft. The mole traffic has been steady, so there are plenty of trails for us to snort through.

Last night, the staff thought it would be funny to put a Santa cap on Bandit and reindeer horns on me for a picture in front of the Christmas tree. Right. First of all, I'm not sure why I got the horns. Anyway, they ain't staying on my head, and Bandit's just a big ol' wienie for letting them put the hat on him and pull his ears through the little elastic strap. What an idiot.
Anyway, the photo session was probably not what they'd planned. They did try to bribe us with snacky treats, so we ate as many as we could. Whatever. We'll post some of the photos because we know they'd want us to put them up (and we know they suck).

Time change and Mondays

From Maggie: I'm not sure what has to be done, but I really think that Mondays are a bad deal. And this one has been especially rotten since we've just had something the staffers keep referring to as as "time change."
First of all, my staffers are around all day for 2 days and then every Monday, they leave for a bunch of other days. So for a few days, the staff is only here at night. I'm not sure what I should do about that.
And then this morning, they let us out a whole hour late. That means breakfast was late, too. Then tonight, Staffer Mom showed up about an hour late to let us out. That meant dinner was late, too. Is it going to be like this all winter? I'm not sure how we're going to get used to this. Staffer Mom says we've done it every year, but it doesn't seem likely. I don't like eating late, and I would remember that.

From Bandit: Maggie gets a little impatient. Mom and Dad haven't ever let us go hungry. They aren't going to start now. Hey, what are you eating? Is that a snackie treat? Can I have it?

Holiday surprise

So Labor Day came and went -- we like holidays because mom and dad are home more with us. This year, though, they decided to make sure they wouldn't have to chase us so much. And granted, we did find a way-cool hole in the back fence where we could go visit the neighbor's cat any time we wanted.

Here's how they presented the new thing: "You can be out in the yard more, no matter what we're doing."
That sounded ok, and then we saw it. It unfolded from a plastic block into something that looks more like a 6-sided playpen for urchins.

After a day, this is how we feel:
Bandit: It's not so bad, but I can't dig quite as freely. Wanna rub my ears?
Maggie (right): I hate it. I hate mom. I hate dad. I hate the yard. I hate Ernie for sitting in the yard chair and watching me. I hate you all.