Venus is back and so are we

It's U.S. Open time, and we are so glad the staff let us watch the opening night matches.
It's not that we were tired of Little League Baseball, but we really were. We didn't want to tell Staffer Mom, but we really didn't care what happened to those kids. A couple times, it was clear one of those teams could've fielded a whole lot better if they'd had a wiener dog for a shortstop.

By the way, we're watching a little differently this year. Bandit's lost all but a little of his peripheral vision, so Maggie's having to do some play-by-play commentary. She's focusing on Venus' tennis wear and doing a lousy job of giving the score. Bandit depends on Staffer Mom for the score and associated noises with great shots.
Careful readers know how much we love the Williams Sisters, so starting our viewing time with Venus tonight is a good omen for the rest of the week.

A bizarre time of upsets

Ok, so first Venus lost at the U.S. Open, and then Roddick lost and things were bad. We did like Melanie Oudin and enjoyed having Cljisters back. And Roger -- we're sorry. You're a decent human.

And then there was Serena. Good grief! Bandit was really annoyed at how the announcers were shocked, shocked at it all -- he's a fan of McEnroe and Connors and knows they got away with more. And he was impressed at the warped racquet. Wow. that would hurt. He doesn't approve of Serena's behavior at all -- after all, he says the poor person was just doing her job, albeit badly.

Maggie, on the other paw, is glad someone's finally taken a cue from her. Serena
just went "all Maggie" on that poor lineswoman. Maggie thought it was funny, and still thinks Serena went easy on her.

We both agree that if they had dachshunds as line judges, none of this crap would happen. Let the Labs and other retrievers be ball kids, and let us do the real stuff. Guaranteed the calls would be accurate -- after all, who's closer to the line? Wiener dogs or humans? Get real.

We're fans

Careful readers will know we're pretty big tennis fans. Labor Day weekend has brought us a new tennis star to follow: Melanie Oudin. She's gritty and stubborn, just like a good dachshund. And, she's still a winner at the U.S. Open, and we're glad for that.
What's been bothering us through her matches are the announcers who seem to think Marietta, Ga., is some backwater place where kids only can hit tennis balls up against their garage doors.
Can someone please give Enberg and McEnroe a trip to the ATL so they can see it's not exactly Rincon or Ellaville? We've been to all of those places on car rides, so we can compare appropriately. Maybe they should go on a car ride with us just once....we bet Johnny Mac won't be making fun of Georgia again.

We've been slacking

No, we haven't been in timeout -- and we're pretty sure that's what you thought. We've just been slackers. We've just been having a pretty good time, and we took a break. But we're back.

We'll try to catch you up with our latest adventures:
- Right before Christmas, we woke up one morning and heard all sorts of strange sounds outside...it sounded like the chainsaw and giant suck machine (vacuum cleaner?) all at one time, so that couldn't be good. When we finally got to go outside and check out the noise, we found our favorite big pine trees were missing from the backyard. Bandit was particularly upset to find all the excavation work he'd done around the tree near the weird bush was all gone. Now there was a big hole full of wood chips. We're not really sure what caused this, but we figure there will be lots of termites and grubs in that part of the yard when summer comes. That can't be bad.

- Christmas was fun. Grandma came and slipped us food under the table a couple of times. Staffer Mom took some time off and when she does that, she tends to cook a lot. This time, she cooked so much, she dropped food on the floor a lot, so that worked out well. She can stay home more often.

- The staff got a Wii. And frankly, we think those things are hazardous. First of all, they always move the furniture to play with it, and when Staffer Mom is Wii boxing she gets pretty violent. Last night, she nearly stepped on Maggie twice. When Staffer Dad's playing Wii bowling, he won't let us in the den at all. This was quite unexpected for us and remains an annoying situation.

- Then, we spent New Year's at the beach. It was cold there, but the staff lets us sit on the couch at the beach house and that made up for a lot. Unlike last year, they didn't make us watch all five "Planet of the Apes" movies. Instead, they took the stupid Wii to play with. Now we're worried they'll take away our Wimbledon and U.S. Open vacations to play with that stupid toy.

So that puts us about even...except for our new nighttime yard game. We'll tell you about that later.

Hanna who?

First of all: Maggie has a new photo. It's her "I really do use the computer" pose. Let us know what you think. Several readers have asked us if we use the computer, and while we were a bit insulted, we can understand how some would doubt us. Keep in mind, we never really said what we use it for.

The week's been a real blur. The staff worked outside putting stuff away for a good part of the week. They continuously griped about hurricanes and someone named Hanna. We don't know much about Hanna, but they sure didn't even try to like her. Then, they told us it was going to rain all day Friday, but it didn't. The grass wasn't even wet on Saturday morning. They've been a real pill, and we want this hurricane thing to move on. Every time one comes near, they just go a little wonkers.

And then the network blamed Hanna for canceling today's USOpen women's final. What's with that? We did get to see Venus vs. Serena the other night. It ran a little late, but we enjoyed it. We couldn't hear anything much because Staffer Dad snored through it, but we saw a great matchup with 2 tough competitors. If they hit a ball at us, we think it would hurt. And we do admit to laughing Friday when Serena smacked that whiny player in pink in the head with a ball. Go Serena!

We were sorta right

Ok, no closets were cleaned out this weekend. We were right about that. But we did get to play outside a lot and watch the US Open. We did get a bath, but that was the only really bad thing that happened. Oh yeah. Maggie got in trouble for charging a springer spaniel on the nightly stroll. She maintains the street near the neighbor's house is her territory since she walks there every night. Staffer Dad disputed the claim. Nothing's been settled, but the spaniel knows who's boss now.

As for the tournament: We approve of this year's bright colors. And we approve of the return of tennis clothing that actually looks like tennis clothing. Maybe the whole cocktail-tennis dress era is over for a bit. Colors we like: Djokovic's green shirt and Serena's bright red dress are nice. She's just great in it! Lots of folks were wearing red though, so we suspect red is the new white -- for now. And we're very happy with Federer's orange shirt. It's just a nice break for all of them.

As for players who didn't win but played with style, let's hear it for Gael Monfils, the French guy who lost to Marty Fish. Poor guy. He lost on his birthday, but he gutted it out.

As for more tennis info: We just found out that tennis rackets used to be strung with catgut. Hear! Hear! (Except for Ernie...he's our friend.)

We're always right

OK. Remember what we said about how the staff would probably find reasons to blow the weekend. So far, we're right on.

They'd probably dispute that, but so far they spent Saturday WITH OTHER DACHSHUNDS at someone else's house talking about the plan for this year's Savannah Wiener Dawg Races. Then last night, they sat around laughing with some other folks from where we used to live and ate dinner and drank wine. Downside: We're a bit miffed about the minimal attention during all that. Upside: They dropped some decent stuff to eat in the kitchen.

Today, they managed to get a little done: Staffer Dad mowed the yard -- it's a lot easier to dig now. And, Staffer Mom fixed the toilet -- apparently a big deal since they refuse to pee outside. Have you ever wondered how much humans could save when they build a house if they'd just go outside for that stuff?
Then -- and we were right about this, too -- Staffer Dad and Buddy Gale watched the Cardinals lose to Houston. Staffer Mom's been focused on the internet and hurricane web sites. (We can understand that -- we don't like those storms either.)

They've promised us an evening watching the US Open. And that's what we've been waiting for. We're pulling for Andy Roddick and Venus -- she is a goddess!

A stylish event

If it's not enough for the US Open to be starting this week, we thought we should also remind you that it's Pet Fashion Week in New York. It's like Project Runway stuff except it's all about animals and style and animal charities. Check out the runway shows at this link. There are photos from last year's exhibitors and runway shows, and they'll be adding current ones as the shows occur.
Other than showcases for too few dachshunds and too many for poodles, we're especially thrilled about the design competitions for cool pet stuff, like better-looking food and water dishes.
It's about time!

Bye Olympics. Hello US Open

We've enjoyed the Olympics this year. We think there are some improvements to be made (add a water hazard and snarling pit bulls to rhythmic gymnastics, for instance), but all in all, it's fun.
Careful readers will know that we really like tennis, too. And, it's US Open time!
We'll be watching carefully for great serves and interesting fashion.
Anyone want to weigh in on who'll play the best and look the best?

New poll: Thanks for letting us stay

Whew! Looks like you've saved our bacon.
Everyone voted to let us use the computer, but apparently didn't trust us enough to let us keep the credit cards to order more stuff. And no, we don't order porn any way. Whatever: We still get to blog!
This week's poll: US Open fashion. (We were going to do a poll on how long you think it would take us to get out of the new "playpen." But....we'll post about that later.)
The new question is to your left.

Fuzzy-ball fashion

From Maggie: Ok. It's been raining, so I've had a great chance to take a long look at more US Open fashion. All I can say is this: Venus has a future outside of tennis. Every outfit she's designed has been terrific. Of course, if anyone else wears the design, they'll probably look like a ruffled green vienna sausage. (I could wear them well.)
Serena's the only one who's been able to pull off the Nike black and pink, but I'm convinced the smocky design is because she's put on a bit of weight since her calf injury. (Mom says that happens when you hurt your leg. But mom could be rationalizing.) And, I'm a little testy about Maria's demise. She had some wicked dayside outfits.
As for the guys, they are all wearing the same thing: Nike diagonal-stripe shirts. The only one who can wear them well is Rafa, and mom says he can wear anything. (Why would he wear just anything?)
And hey...did anyone see how Vaidisova demolished that tennis racket the other day? When they asked her if she felt bad about the tantrum and the "redesigned" racket, she said "It deserved it."
She's my new hero.

A shout-out for tie-dye

It's Maggie: I'm amazed at the how black is the new white for this year's US Open tennis competitors. And I know I look really good in black, but I'm not sweating out on a tennis court. In fact, I'm not sweating it out anywhere. Someone else can do that...when they say "working like a dog," they are not referring to me.
Anyway, I think this year's clothing is really overmanaged by Nike. Can we get some tie-dye T-shirts out there? My mom's favorite shirts are tie-dye, and she's always happy when she's wearing them. I'm pretty sure she could kick someone's ass wearing one.
Back to the Open: Let's talk headgear a second: It should be a rule that your hat matches your clothes. Serena has the right idea. Her headband matched the pink in her outfit. She didn't look like a farmer or a soccer mom. I approve.

I'm no fashionista, but...

It's Maggie, and this week I'm going to keep you up on the US Open. I'm not big on watching people sweat, so you can keep up with the scores on your own. What I've seen so far bothers me a great deal.
- U.S. tennis player Ashley Harkleroad: Girl, didn't your mama teach you not to wear stripes going around? Her dog should have sabotaged that outfit before Ashley left the house.
- Is that strange bluish green really going to be this year's "in" color? I've counted at least 5 players wearing that color, men and women. Do all the activewear companies get together and decide what color will make the most people look stupid? Do the execs sit up in the plush box seats and laugh when they get the stars to wear the free clothes? I wouldn't even sniff underwear that color.
- And Andy, oh Andy: This whole black ensemble may make your beer gut look a bit smaller, but Johnny Cash, you ain't. And it's freaking hot outside! What are you thinking? Obviously, you didn't even ask your dog for help. No way would it sanction that -- would he add more fur in summer just to look skinny? I think not.
- To Justin Gimelstob/Gummiburp/Googlesnort/Whatever: I like you, but the yellow diagonals have to go. And the shirt doesn't even match your shorts. Get your dog to pull some new ones out of the laundry hamper for you.
And my final question for the night:
- Why is Maria Sharapova wearing her Christmas party dress on the court? Has she got a poodle as a wardrobe advisor?

That's it for tonight. I've got to go make Bandit get his ass off my pillow.

Fuzzy-ball holidays

From Bandit: We refer to Labor Day -- and the 4th of July -- as fuzzy-ball time. In our experience, fuzzy balls have been things we chase across the yard to humor mom and dad. But, in our house, they are on TV. If we are at the beach, Aunt Jenn (left) usually hits the champagne early and eats strawberries. Mom has a thing about making pancakes and forcing everyone to eat them. Then she makes a pitcher of Bloody Marys; sometimes, she shares. Dad and Uncle Brad just watch the game, roll on the floor and scratch their backs with us. The important thing is that there's always Wimbledon or US Open tennis on the TV. And this Labor Day will be no different. Maggie's planning to blog for the week about the Open, because her friend Sidda will not be able to watch. Sidda's sick, and it's important that Maggie keep her up to date on the action. As for me, fuzzy balls are about as close as I'll get to ever having any again.