It's Maggie, and this week I'm going to keep you up on the US Open. I'm not big on watching people sweat, so you can keep up with the scores on your own. What I've seen so far bothers me a great deal.
- U.S. tennis player Ashley Harkleroad: Girl, didn't your mama teach you not to wear stripes going around? Her dog should have sabotaged that outfit before Ashley left the house.
- Is that strange bluish green really going to be this year's "in" color? I've counted at least 5 players wearing that color, men and women. Do all the activewear companies get together and decide what color will make the most people look stupid? Do the execs sit up in the plush box seats and laugh when they get the stars to wear the free clothes? I wouldn't even sniff underwear that color.
- And Andy, oh Andy: This whole black ensemble may make your beer gut look a bit smaller, but Johnny Cash, you ain't. And it's freaking hot outside! What are you thinking? Obviously, you didn't even ask your dog for help. No way would it sanction that -- would he add more fur in summer just to look skinny? I think not.
- To Justin Gimelstob/Gummiburp/Googlesnort/Whatever: I like you, but the yellow diagonals have to go. And the shirt doesn't even match your shorts. Get your dog to pull some new ones out of the laundry hamper for you.
And my final question for the night:
- Why is Maria Sharapova wearing her Christmas party dress on the court? Has she got a poodle as a wardrobe advisor?
That's it for tonight. I've got to go make Bandit get his ass off my pillow.