Tuesday, July 22, 2008

We earn our keep and we're scary, too

Lately, when we irritate the staff by asking questions like "When do WE get a vacation?" or "Why do we have to eat in the laundry room?", it's been suggested that we might should consider getting jobs. As ludicrous as that notion may be, we know we'd be successful at many careers.
For instance, a cemetery owner in Fremont, Nebraska, uses a dachshund to clean moles out of the cemetery. You can read about it here.

We think that's absolutely something we could do. Heck, we do it now and we should ask the staff to pay us for that!

Also, Foster's and Henry's mom sent us a story recently suggesting dachshunds should be used more in comic books as the scary, threatening beasts instead of gorillas or dinosaurs. It's true. There's no way we wouldn't win those matches. No way.

Here are some quotes from an essay she sent over:
- "While a ticked gorilla is still throwing leaves around and having an ostentatious hissy fit, the wily dachshund will have already tripped you, crushed your trachea, and, as you suffocate, be sitting on your chest chewing on your ribs while farting in your face. And wagging his tail."
- "How many gorillas do you know in real life interested in world domination? Zero. Again, gorillas pale as a threat when compared to dachshunds, all of which are bent on world domination. Charles Heston would've lasted about 3 seconds on the Planet of the Dachshunds...."

And we've been forced by the staff (and Uncle Brad and Aunt Jenn) to sit through all five Planet of the Apes movies in one day, so we know this is true. If we were in charge, ol' Charlton sure wouldn't be doing all those NRA commercials, and he'd never say this because we don't allow people to talk to us that way. He'd be a believer in dachshund justice and working for DRNA (Dachshund Rescue of North America).

So, the staff should pay us for our star potential, too. We'd compromise for getting to eat dinner in the kitchen...near the cat food bowl.
Especially if it's full.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Dog Days

Well, as you may have expected, we're back at home and the staffers have returned to their old routine: Get up, take us out, eat breakfast, make us watch Staffer Mom read the paper, send us to our playroom. That's a normal morning. Evenings have been better because it's been raining some and it's really hot outside, so the staff has to play with us inside. And when that happens, we get to watch lots of baseball with Staffer Dad. We also get to learn new words when the Cardinals blow a 7-run lead late in the game.
We realize it's not a glamorous life, but for us, it's fun. We guess the Dog Days of Summer were really meant for us.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Storms and other noises

It's been an interesting week for us. Lots of sun, sand and some storms. The best thing so far has been right near the house. Maggie discovered a dove's nest right under the deck, and we haven't had any luck digging through to it. We run out every chance we get to try, but we haven't been able to get to it. The staff says we should leave it alone, but we really think we could make friends with the dove family if we could just get to it.

Otherwise, we've had lots of fireworks around the house, and while the staff says they are no big deal and kinda pretty, we have our doubts. If they are harmless, why do they make all that noise? And then this morning, we had lightning and thunder and really loud rain. It woke us up early and we realized quickly the staffers weren't going to take us out to walk in all that.
While Maggie resorted to hurling her body at the door, Bandit decided to woof now and then. We really weren't sure what to do, and neither tactic worked well. Staffer Dad didn't even come to see us with the leashes until it quit raining. We thought we were going to burst. Later today, it stormed again -- and that was better than all that noise from jet planes flying over all week. Even those big things couldn't fight Mother Nature. They didn't fly at all today, but we're guessing a lot of other things did since the wind was really howling.
This video is something that happened on the beach nearby while the staff was away today. Our buddies from Alabama saw it happen!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Science appreciates us, too

Wow. In today's Science Daily, we found an article about a stubborn gene that may help stop invasive breast cancer. The gene's name: Dachshund or DACH1. We think that's terrific, and it's named appropriately. First of all, we are stubborn, and stopping breast cancer requires this gene to be on patrol. It also has the ability to herd other genes gone wild and make them behave normally. Obviously, science take our breed seriously, too. Maybe being aggressive about some things isn't so bad after all.

Monday, July 7, 2008

We're SO aggressive

We've had a chance to do a little extra reading this week, and we're a little perturbed at one of the recent stories we found. It says dachshunds are rated as "most aggressive" among dog breeds. We don't like to criticize science, especially since it brought us a lot of cool things like Kong toys, flea killer and Science Diet food. But, this research has to be wrong. Here's another look at the study and how it works. It's got more context, something Staffer Mom says is important. We just think it explains the findings a bit more fairly.
About the only thing we're aggressive about is digging holes and relaxation.

Walks, snacks and naps

We really enjoy vacations -- it means the staffers are with us all the time, and they generally do what we want. When we want out, we go out. When we want to nap, we can scramble up on the sofa and take one. When we want to eat, we can usually sniff around on the floor between meals and get some snacks. They invite lots of friends over and every one seems to drop crumbs and laugh a lot. Really, it's our job to make sure things are cleaned up, so this works out well.
We take walks regularly, and sometimes we see other dogs and sometimes we see people riding things with big wheels. We don't like those. But we do like the walks, so we'll deal with the bike things. Maggie thinks she can probably take one down with a well-placed fang in the back tire.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

W is for Wimbledon, Williams

From Maggie: Last year, I was able to give you regular observations about Wimbledon fashion, but this year the staff changed how the TV remote works and we've had trouble figuring it out. So sadly, our fashion updates had to be sacrificed. (We'll try to do better for the U.S. Open -- there are more fashion risks there anyway, and I'm more than willing to point them out.)
Today, we're in luck because the staff decided to let us watch the finals. And I'm pleasantly surprised to find my fashion fave, Venus Williams, playing sister Serena. Venus is always my pick for best-dressed anyway, but today, even in the respectful Wimbledon white, she's a goddess in her plain halter dress. Her sister, on the other hand, looks less like a go-go dancer today and finally got rid of the less-than-classy catsuits (for now). Today, she's chosen a low-key dress with a graceful plain top. Her earrings, however, look like beaded shower curtain rings. Venus would never make that mistake.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Edible hot dogs

Here's a look at more hot-dog-eating, at a professional level.
See this one. It's the only kind we sanction.

Hot dogs and bad snacks

This week, we've been very busy. We've been watching the staff pack for a trip, and then yesterday, we left on the road trip. It was fun, but we were so tired from watching them pack, we slept a lot. This morning we've been catching up on news and Wimbledon (more on that later) and listening to the staff and Uncle Brad and Aunt Jenn yammer incessantly about stupid stuff.
However, Uncle Brad has gleefully informed us that the original hot dog -- the kind you eat -- was first called a "hot dachshund" or "dachshund sandwich". We weren't all that amused. Anyway, then we learned about Vienna Sausages, which are really small hot-dog-looking meat things that come packed in a can. (Staffer Mom says some people call them "Vie-A-Ner Sausages.") Whatever. They do sound like something we'd eat. Oh yeah, and speaking of small stubby things we might eat:
Did you hear about the dachshund who gnawed off his owner's big toe?
Ok, it's not funny, but we can sort of understand how this can happen. Staffer Dad dropped hamburger on his pants one time and we went for that. We don't think this situation is remotely the same, but here's the story if you want to read it. It turned out pretty badly for the wiener dog involved, and we do not recommend this behavior. It's a tough lesson to learn, but don't eat stuff you're not supposed to.