Lately, when we irritate the staff by asking questions like "When do WE get a vacation?" or "Why do we have to eat in the laundry room?", it's been suggested that we might should consider getting jobs. As ludicrous as that notion may be, we know we'd be successful at many careers.
For instance, a cemetery owner in Fremont, Nebraska, uses a dachshund to clean moles out of the cemetery. You can read about it here.
We think that's absolutely something we could do. Heck, we do it now and we should ask the staff to pay us for that!
Also, Foster's and Henry's mom sent us a story recently suggesting dachshunds should be used more in comic books as the scary, threatening beasts instead of gorillas or dinosaurs. It's true. There's no way we wouldn't win those matches. No way.
Here are some quotes from an essay she sent over:
- "While a ticked gorilla is still throwing leaves around and having an ostentatious hissy fit, the wily dachshund will have already tripped you, crushed your trachea, and, as you suffocate, be sitting on your chest chewing on your ribs while farting in your face. And wagging his tail."
- "How many gorillas do you know in real life interested in world domination? Zero. Again, gorillas pale as a threat when compared to dachshunds, all of which are bent on world domination. Charles Heston would've lasted about 3 seconds on the Planet of the Dachshunds...."
And we've been forced by the staff (and Uncle Brad and Aunt Jenn) to sit through all five Planet of the Apes movies in one day, so we know this is true. If we were in charge, ol' Charlton sure wouldn't be doing all those NRA commercials, and he'd never say this because we don't allow people to talk to us that way. He'd be a believer in dachshund justice and working for DRNA (Dachshund Rescue of North America).
So, the staff should pay us for our star potential, too. We'd compromise for getting to eat dinner in the kitchen...near the cat food bowl.
Especially if it's full.