Sunday, December 9, 2007

Car trip!!!!

We’ve been gone for a few days, and we apologize for the silence. We hope we can make up for it with this post.
We decided to try to do what we believe is the first live blog by wiener dogs. Sadly, it couldn’t get posted as quickly as we’d hoped since the wireless signals weren’t working. Oh well. We told the staff we needed better technology. Here's our live blog copied over to a post from our trip.

THURSDAY: Early this morning we saw Dad take the leashes out to the limo….and that meant only one thing: Road trip!
He thought he could get them past us, but no way. Then we heard the hatch on the limo pop, and we knew it was going to be more than a quick trip to Forsyth Park – Grandmas’s house? A visit to Sidda and Seamus? Wait.
Watch for it….watch for it….there goes Dad’s white music block and funny ear things…. a couple bags of junk food….watch for it….. Mom’s packing up 2 bottles of wine and …….watch for it…….a bottle of tequila! WE’RE GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!!

In the car! In the car!
Mom says if we don’t calm down, we can’t do our live blog. She’s willing to type, but we have to focus. We’ve never blogged a road trip before, and we know our regular crew will want to know what happens along the way. Staffer Dad, our driver, says he’ll even roll down the windows for us now and then.

8:20: We’re pulling out now….but Driver Dad says we’ll have to stop for gas and breakfast. We don’t know why. We’ve already eaten and Bandit has plenty of gas.

Drive-through windows are torture for us. It generally means that others get food and rudely eat in front of us. This time was no different. If we could only taste that Egg McMuffin…..
As we’re jolted back to reality, Driver Dad tells Bandit to keep his nose out of the hash brown. (Is that what they call that squished brown thing?)

We’re not even a few miles out of town and Driver Dad’s already cursing the left-lane drivers. We wonder if that old lady even knows she’s keeping us from getting to the beach.

Uh oh.
Bandit’s in trouble. He just started pulling stuff out of Staffer Mom’s purse again to look for gum. She didn’t have any, but he did hit paydirt with a few old Tums. Last time he got in her purse, he punctured her Belk’s charge card right through the magnetic strip and she wasn’t happy about that. We’re going to take a nap for a bit so she’ll chill.

Rest stop!
Mile 318 on I-10: We love rest stops! And this is one of our favorites on the way to the beach. It has great smells and deep grass. Today someone’s been piling up pine straw in little piles all over the dog park. We were able to pee on every pile! Almost missed one, but Bandit hit it as we had to head for the car. You have to set goals, you know.

Seems like there are a lot of cows out there. Must be cool to sit in the field and watch cars all day. It might get boring after a bit, but we bet they see lots of neat stuff.
We saw one truck with some neat art on the back of it that said Mtha Fkr on it. We’re not sure what that stands for. Mom says that good graffiti artists should know how to spell. We don’t think she should edit art.
We’ve also seen a lot of big boxy cars that Mom says are full of “snowbirds.” So why can’t they just fly where they are going? Mom says they are too old. Dad told her to be careful about making remarks about old people.

Have you ever noticed how kudzu vines make big trees look like big monsters hanging over the road? They aren’t monsters, though, because they didn’t run when we barked at them.

OH WOW! Mom says the next stop is to see LASSIE! Maggie’s always liked the Lassie legend, but never really believed one dog could be all that great. In general, we’d like to meet a dog that is recognized by humans to have more sense than most humans. This is exciting!

We just passed a sign that said “Dog Track.” Is that bigger than a Dog Run or Dog Walk?
Mom says we can’t stop there. But we want to!

Mile 216 on I-10: Dead animal update:
Raccoons: 4
Deer: 1
Possum: 3
Chickens: 1
Old truck tires: 9 (We know they aren’t animals, but they make funny shapes on the side of the road, so they are worth counting.)

This is terrible. Mom didn’t say “to see Lassie.” She said Tallahassee. There’s nothing here. This is awful. We really wanted to see Lassie. DAMMIT.

Mile 158 on I-10: We just got behind two double-decker trucks full of real live cows. Mom thought it smelled nasty, but we thought it was pretty wonderful. Driver Dad did roll down the window for us as we passed. We like the window down, but all the nice cow smell went away.

Bridge! We’re across the water and we see a train and a bunch of men in orange vests and trucks and lots of concrete. This was the bridge that fell in the water during the storm, but it looks pretty sturdy to us. The air smells good.

And now we’re in Pensacola and there’s another bridge and lots of birds. And more cars and more birds.
Hey! There are our toll booth friends with the cool shirts with big flowers and the big water tanks with dolphins on them. We’re at the beach. FINALLY.

Final trip tally:
Dead Raccoons: 4
Dead Deer: 1
Dead Possum: 5
Dead Chickens: 1
Old truck tires: 15
Slow people in the left lane worth cursing: 5
People who fell prey to the blue light people: 7
Men in orange vests: 4 small herds.

4 p.m. Central: We’re here; we’re on the deck. It’s dinner time! Where’s the food?


Bebe Bahnsen said...

Welcome back to the blogosphere! You pooches are such good writers that I miss you when you're gone. Glad this trip was to the beach, and I know how pretty Pensacola Beach is. Thanks for the good laughs.

Allison Kennedy said...

Hey wieners!
Good to hear from you!
Bisquick says, "Take me next time! The beach is just one giant litter box."