Many holiday miles

We've gotten some miles on us over the past weeks -- been through four different states in the limo, but the staff's avoided Alabama for once so that's a plus.

(Careful readers know Maggie's a 'Bama native, so we can't be too harsh. But, when she has particularly impertinent days, Bandit's fond of saying "You can take the girl out of Phenix City......")

Anyway, we had a very nice visit with grandma, Aunt Audrey and Cousin Ellen in NC. Ellen is pretty cool because she's got a long dog, too, named Duncan. It's a Corgi, and we accept those as extended family. (Extended...get it?)

Now we're at the beach. It's raining, so that makes the walks a bit shorter because Staffer Dad doesn't like water on his head and he can't handle us and an umbrella. The beach trip was nice -- we got to stop at our fave walk area at the Osceola Forest. We stopped once other time at Staffer Mom's fave truck stop near Tallahassee (good coffee). That was the best! We found gum in the parking lot near the car. Staffer Mom wasn't very happy about that, but it was good stuff. Peppermint, maybe.

It might clear off tomorrow, so we'll be walking more. It's been windy here, and we saw some overturned trash cans down the street. Score!

Holiday fun

We can tell it's nearly Christmas because the staff's dragging out the holiday boxes and stuff. They also keep leaving the Santa and Elf costumes for us out where we can see them. Like that's going to make us put them on.
Staffer Mom put a Holly Elf collar on Kitten the other night -- he even acted like he liked it. What a suck-up! We had to give him a bit of respect later when he took the Santa hat and hid it under the bed. He was right -- she was going to try that on him next.
Yesterday the staff hung wreaths on the windows and doors. Today they put out poinsettias in the house where we can't get to them (no fun there) and it looks like they are about to drag in a tree.
We've already told Kitten how much fun it is to climb a fully decorated Christmas tree and bite the lights. He seems excited about the possibility.
Was that wrong?

Thanksgiving reading

We've been doing a lot of reading this weekend -- Grandma was here, and she played with us a lot, but she also was gone shopping a lot, too. The blogosphere is amazing right now. Our buddies Joey and Maggie over at The Long and Short of It are posting terrific stuff constantly. Who knew Gypsy Rose Lee had a dachshund? We were thrilled to find out!
They also posted the classic scene -- Staffer Dad's absolute fave -- from Pink Panther..."Does your dog bite?" If you've seen it, you know. And the Dachshund Dude's Twitter feed keeps us hopping! If you tweet, check him out.

We found this blog, too. It seems appropriate, and we feel like turkeys for not mentioning Thanksgiving. We're thankful for a lot of stuff, and we should say it.

We're thankful for Staffers Mom and Dad, Grandma, moles, green pillow, popcorn, our great aunts and uncles, Ernie (not Kitten), computers, our blogger buddies, plastic monkey, warm blankies and snackies.
It's time we said it.

A break, sharing staff and pirates

We spent a week at the spa -- and yes, there was a bit of trickery involved. Maggie ended up getting some dental work and Bandit got a few needles. Nothing big -- turns out he's just getting old. All that said, the treats there were good, so we really didn't have any complaints. The staff needed a break from us, so it all worked out.

The last few weeks have been all right. It's getting darker earlier, so we don't get as much good dig time in the evenings. The kitten is bigger now, and he's a lot more annoying. He keeps trying to sleep in our beds and pushing his toys under furniture and turning on the sad eyes so the staff will rush to his aid. We're really not sure where our staff became his staff. What's with that?

We think Staffer Mom's been feeling a little bad about all of this. Today, she's letting us watch all three "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies, so it's a pretty fair trade at this point. Maggie loves Johnny Depp, and the undead monkey gets raves from Bandit.

Ok. We're at the spa.

The staff took us to the spa the other day and they haven't returned yet. We don't think they are abandoning us here, but there are worse places. Last time we were here, we got shots and some good treats. This time the staff here is playing with us, let's us talk to them and gives us our meals ON TIME.
Maggie's a bit concerned it's a trick. Bandit says it's a good gig and we should just roll with it.
Truthfully, we miss our staffers, but we'd rather be stuck here with Dr. Carla and Dr. Miranda...they know us and there's no way they'd trick us. Right?

Slinky Dog gets his due

It's taken three movies, and finally Slinky Dog gets top billing in the next "Toy Story" movie. The poster proves it.

For years, that cowboy who talks like Tom Hanks and those other stupid toys have dominated the screen time in "Toy Story." Finally, our kind gets some appreciation. And he's been around a long time -- the first Slinky Dog goes back to the '50s, or before our staff was even born. We think the voice of Slinky Dog was better when Jim "Ernest" Varney did it, but we'll like the new guy OK.

Want to update your education on Slinky Dog? Here's the Wikipedia entry.

Behave or get busted

We've been reading some this week and wanted to share some of what we found.

Here's a story about a wiener friend who had to be rescued while being rescued. You've got to give her props for making everyone focus on her for a bit. We're glad she's not hanging out on the airfield anymore, and we hope she and her pup found a good home.

Also, here's this interesting blog we found the other day. We thought it was pretty funny. Up to a point.
No biting.

This has to stop

With the racing season over, we're back to our normal lives -- or what used to be normal before the kitten came.
He's growing up and thinks he one of us. It's a real pain. He's everywhere.
Last night, he slept between us on our blankies in the bedroom, and now he's trying to take over green pillow in the den. He has tons of toys all over the house, and now this.

How do we convince him he's got to earn a spot with us? Any suggestions? We don't want to resort to biting.

People who love wiener dogs are the best

Staffer Mom's gotten a lot of good notes since the race from dachshunds and their staffers who were there. Lots of people and dogs had fun, and that's what matters.

One family drove from Maryland and wanted her to know how much fun they had on the trip and during the race. They say they'll be back next year.
Another family drove from across the state and said they loved the city and the race, too.

One wiener's staffer helped out another couple by sitting outside with the wieners while the couple went in to a restaurant for a nice lunch. The couple appreciated her kindness so much, they bought her a lunch gift certificate.

And that's our point: Wiener dogs and their staffers have special bonds only other wieners and staffers understand. And that's that.

Racin' on the Savannah River

The staff has returned with tales of another great Savannah Wiener Dog Race on River Street. There's no better way to celebrate Octoberfest on the River!
More than 130 wieners racing and lots of great people there to watch. Wow!

We're sorry we missed it, but the staff showed us the video and some photos and that's all good.
Here are the Savannah Morning News links for the photo gallery and video so you can watch, too.

We're going to go watch the staff drink a beer. There won't be a video for that.

The lost art of supervision

From Bandit: So today, Staffer Mom came home and got me -- I knew it had to be important. She needed help. The folks were setting up the Savannah Wiener Race track and they needed guidance.
Boy, did they.
Only a real dachshund can show humans how to set up a decent race track.

Darn glad I was available. (Maggie wasn't allowed to go....and she would've been a pain in the butt anyway. A construction site is no place for a princess.)


So I ended up spending my afternoon on River Street in Savannah directing the construction of the race track for tomorrow 's wiener races. I really don't know what they were thinking -- they nearly forgot the whole finish-line fence, and they totally didn't remember to push the gates up so they wouldn't drag in the grass on the start.
But I reminded them, and it's pretty smooth now.

The photos are of the construction, and the last one is of me sitting in the middle of the track testing it for traction and quick paw release. It's a good track.

We're looking forward to a fast day!

A couple days....

The running of the wieners is only a few days away. We're really excited, and we're holding hope for a change of heart from the staff. They've told us we can't go, but we think they'll relent and take us.
The field is set late Friday -- gates, tables, tents, stage and the track. We really want to be able to go. What do you all think?

Gearing up for the race?

It's only 8 days until the Savannah Wiener Dog Races, so Staffer Mom went out today to scout the course.
She reports good track conditions, slightly damp grass, but well-maintained.
Here's a photo from our point of view so you racers will know what to expect:


If the mowing is fresh and there's no rain within 12 hours of the race, we expect a fast track.
We hear the field is growing daily now, with at least 3 dozen already entered and more to come. Remind you staff: Pre-registration closes on Oct. 1. If you pre-register, there's more time to play!

Get ready. We're in the countdown.

About that Waving Girl statue....

It's time for us to remind all of you about the Savannah Wiener Dog Races coming up in October.
They'll be in downtown Savannah on River Street near the Waving Girl statue on Oct. 3....you can pre-register to run at this link. Preregistration is better because you can get through the line faster and play more!

The location is a terrific one -- cool grass to play in and lots of breeze. But, there's only one problem: We've realized the dog sculpture with the Waving Girl is NOT a dachshund.
It's got a decent snout on it, but its ears are all wrong.
If it didn't look so much like Lassie, we'd really complain. (Careful readers know how much we love Lassie.)

And yes, we've been told the statues are based on real beings but it just doesn't seem appropriate now that the annual wiener run is such an important part of Savannah's Octoberfest. We think they should at least add a new dog friend for Waving Girl. The other one can stay, but there really should be a wiener dog there, too.

Staffer Mom says things change slowly in Savannah and if things got changed out for reasons of appropriateness and reality then Waving Girl would be holding a beer in a 16-ounce foam cup instead of a towel or whatever it is she's waving.
We like to think she's signaling for another beer.

A bizarre time of upsets

Ok, so first Venus lost at the U.S. Open, and then Roddick lost and things were bad. We did like Melanie Oudin and enjoyed having Cljisters back. And Roger -- we're sorry. You're a decent human.

And then there was Serena. Good grief! Bandit was really annoyed at how the announcers were shocked, shocked at it all -- he's a fan of McEnroe and Connors and knows they got away with more. And he was impressed at the warped racquet. Wow. that would hurt. He doesn't approve of Serena's behavior at all -- after all, he says the poor person was just doing her job, albeit badly.

Maggie, on the other paw, is glad someone's finally taken a cue from her. Serena
just went "all Maggie" on that poor lineswoman. Maggie thought it was funny, and still thinks Serena went easy on her.

We both agree that if they had dachshunds as line judges, none of this crap would happen. Let the Labs and other retrievers be ball kids, and let us do the real stuff. Guaranteed the calls would be accurate -- after all, who's closer to the line? Wiener dogs or humans? Get real.

Interloper

So tonight, Staffer Dad was taking care of a few things out on the carport (it's hot and we were napping). We hear him talking outside, and we realize we're not out there, Ernie and Skeeter aren't out there and Staffer Mom is checking her FaceBook stuff. Who is he talking to?
He finally came in for a minute and we look out the window and see ANOTHER DOG! WTH?
(We learned WTH from Staffer Mom's phone....sometimes it has an H, sometimes not...we're still figuring that out...)

Anyway, IT'S ANOTHER DOG! Some kind of spaniel retriever thing. And, IT OPENED THE DEN DOOR AND CAME IN! Again, WTH?
Staffer Mom started yelling at it; Skeeter ran; and Maggie hid her duck toy from it and glared. Of course, Bandit was the most polite -- he just walked up and greeted it. We weren't sure what to do, so I guess our genuine natures just came out.

It's now back outside. Drama's over. We hear it outside, and we think it's lost. We're really sorry for that. But it can't come in anymore. Maggie can't sit on the duck toy all night. That would hurt.

We're fans

Careful readers will know we're pretty big tennis fans. Labor Day weekend has brought us a new tennis star to follow: Melanie Oudin. She's gritty and stubborn, just like a good dachshund. And, she's still a winner at the U.S. Open, and we're glad for that.
What's been bothering us through her matches are the announcers who seem to think Marietta, Ga., is some backwater place where kids only can hit tennis balls up against their garage doors.
Can someone please give Enberg and McEnroe a trip to the ATL so they can see it's not exactly Rincon or Ellaville? We've been to all of those places on car rides, so we can compare appropriately. Maybe they should go on a car ride with us just once....we bet Johnny Mac won't be making fun of Georgia again.

Long weekends are for long dogs

We love those long holiday weekends humans get. While it is troublesome that the staff stays underfoot for the whole time, they do let us run around the house more than usual. The biggest problem is Staffer Mom thinks those weekends are for "projects" and "cleaning."
Hanging around her is pretty risky when she's in full focus, and you never know what's going to come flying -- today it was old boxes and a bunch of paper used to wrap stuff when you move. She found a box she thought needed to be liberated, so we decided to stay out of her way and watched the U.S. Open instead. We really love Sharapova, but we like Oudin, too. So, we'll be cheering for Oudin on Monday, and we hope Maria's feeling OK.
Tomorrow: The Williams Sisters. Excellent.

'Bye Chanel

Today's inspiring dachshund story comes from NYC, where Chanel the wire-haired dachshund had her last day. Many of you may remember the world's oldest dog is a dachshund, and she is now gone. Here's her final story.

One other thing to note on that page: Friday is Take Your Dog to Work Day. Sadly, we don't think our staff will let us go with them.

Digging, sniffing and a bath all in a weekend

The title of today's blog pretty much sums up our weekend. We did a lot of snoozing, too, but felt more strongly about the other three. Staffer Dad took Bandit on a ride to the gas station, so that was big, too.
We spent the rest of the afternoon checking in on the Wiener Nationals -- lots of prep and great dogs were running. Here's the link to one of our favorite blogs where they've posted lots of reports, photos and videos.
Don't forget: The Savannah Wiener Dog Races are coming soon!
Happy Wiener Weekend!

Race time's coming!

Today we learned it's time for the annual WIENER DOG RACES!
We invite all our buddies to bring it!

Your staffers can help -- they can design artwork to be used on the official T-shirts and logo. Here's the info on that. It's sponsored by the Savannah Morning News and savannahnow.com. We're really excited about all of this!

Preregistration starts after Labor Day, and we're hoping to get to go this year. Usually the staff volunteers (the money goes to Dachshund Rescue of North America and other animal assistance charities) and they can't take us and work, too. We're hoping they'll figure out how to do it all this year.

So, we're asking all of you to let them know if we should go. We need your support!

We know, we know!

It's been awhile. Really a month and a half or so, it just feels like a long time. (Maggie, right, slept through it all.)

There's been a lot of digging, mud and raccoon break-ins. The staff's been keeping us busy since they took vacation, and the raccoon(s) out back are still breaking into the porch on random nights to eat our dog food. It's annoying, but we do get to help clean up by snarfing up a lot of the spilled food.

Vacation snooze

We've been due for some time out after having to deal with the kitten for a few weeks. The staff obliged this weekend.
They took us to our favorite place: the beach.

We've spent most of our time wisely, sleeping, walking and watching Wimbledon. Aunt Jenn has been around to run us through some Yoga practice -- we prefer the term Doga, but whatever. At left, you'll see a move Maggie likes to call Downward Facing Dog Facing Dog.

Today, we get to chase birds off the deck!

Raccoons ate our food

A few weeks ago, the staff got the bright idea to get new containers for our canine cuisine. The stackable bins would sit on the back porch, and they'd be convenient each morning and night for the staff to get our dinner to us faster. And, they'd be out of the house and away from Ernie's prying paws.

Then the staff noticed odd things moved each morning on the porch, and our brunch munch started disappearing. And, our water dishes were nasty each morning. Two days ago, the staff used bungee cords to hold the lids shut on the food bins. The next morning, dog food was everywhere on the porch.

This could only mean one thing: The raccoon family had returned. Apparently, they've been coming in each night, grabbing a free Science Diet dinner and washing it in our water bowls.

So now the cool food bins are sitting in the middle of the house, and Staffer Mom's trying to make the latch on the back porch work again. That's not going to help. We're pretty sure the masked bandits are coming in and leaving through Ernie's cat door.

Should we tell them, or let Ernie take the fall? Tough call.

NOT BILLY MAYS!

(Sorry for the screaming headline, but we thought it might be appropriate.)

Just yesterday we were yelling at the kitten to get away from the TV while the Billy Mays ESPN commercial was on.
We liked Billy -- he improved our quality of life when he convinced Staffer Mom to buy OxiClean. She was able to clean up after us faster and better and that kept us from getting in trouble so much. We tested his pitch about stains from spilled wine, and it works. However, Staffer Mom's never letting us get near a full wine glass again.
RIP, Billy.

Kittens and tennis don't mix

We've discovered we have common ground with the kitten -- he apparently likes tennis. Too much so, if you ask us. He won't get out of the way. Because everyone lets him play with everything, he thinks he can play at Wimbledon, too. He's also developed an affinity for Andy Roddick.



Today was our first full day of watching Wimbledon this year. Staffer Mom was good enough to leave the TV on for us while the staff was doing other things.
Now we've got to figure out how to keep the kitten away from the TV. Bandit thinks we should just be patient. When kitten starts that crap when "Law&Order" is on, the staff will take care of the whole problem.

'Bye Michael

You may not realize it, but we are real music lovers. And we can sing -- we'll make a video for you some time.

Bandit's a real fan of Michael Jackson, because one time Michael came to Pensacola for several weeks while Bandit was young and he remembers the craziness. Michael ate flowers and went shopping a lot at an antique mall where Staffer Mom found a lot of dachshund stuff.

Maggie's too young to remember the good performances, but Staffer Mom made her watch "Thriller" one night on the 25th anniversary of it -- the whole thing. Long version. She does appreciate it all more, but thinks the whole moonwalk thing is stupid.

Neither of us really understood the nose job thing. We love our snouts and think everyone should. We can't understand why he wasn't happy with his own snout.
All that said, we hope he's happy now and dancing a lot.

We may be dogs, but.....

...we're not as stupid as the South Carolina governor.
And that's a fact.

Old friend J-Jo!

Staffer Mom was happy tonight because she talked to our old friend J-Jo. We remember J-Jo because she would play with us and she could beat Staffer Dad at Trivial Pursuit. One time she buried a cat in our yard. She also dressed up like a crazy lady and put snakes in her hair for Halloween. We admired that.
(The staff found a lot of little plastic snakes in the yard for a year or better....we liked that, too.)

Anyway, she tells us she'd like postcards from us and from all our friends from where we live.
You can mail them to:
J-Jo
c/o the ME
300 Massachusetts Ave.
Boston, Mass. 02115.
She's got a new boss, so be kind in what you write....this time.

Wimbledon time!

As careful readers will know, we love tennis. And Wimbledon is here.
It's our custom to watch early rounds at home, and then watch the rest at the beach with Aunt Jenn and Uncle Brad. (Aunt Jenn always brings champagne.)

We can sit in front of the TV and watch the tennis ball go back and forth for hours. Roger Federer and the Williams sisters are our faves, but we do wish we'd see something out of Andy Roddick and Maria Sharapova.

While we do love Staffer Mom's Wii tennis matches, we prefer ones on TV -- they are quieter and the language flying around can't be as bad as what we're exposed to here. We're not even sure what some of the words mean, but it can't be good. You'd never hear that coming from Maria. (Staffer Mom says the only difference is Maria says it in Russian, but we prefer not to believe that.)

Roasted wieners

OK. It's gotten awfully hot outside. Today it was near 100 and it's supposed to be that way for a couple more days. We thought we should offer some tips for those of you who may not be used to this:
- When you're as close to the ground as we are, you need to stay in grassy areas under trees. Heat radiating off a patio or sidewalk is dangerous. You can stay sprawled in the grass for a while and be ok.
- Dig a hole. If you dig deep enough, the cool dirt will feel good.
- Don't crawl under a car or other vehicle. You never know when the staff will head for the mall to stay cool, and you don't want to be near something that moves.
- Drink lots of water. If your dish is empty and panting's not getting the attention it deserves, pee on something your staff is using or will need very shortly. Garden gloves or the door mat come to mind.
- As much as we hate to say it, if you're destined to get a bath anyway, bring it on sooner by rolling in something nasty and smelly. Baths feel good on hot days.
- Act lame and try to stay inside. You can even fake a limp if you have to. It can magically disappear as soon as the sun goes down.

We'd love to know your advice about dealing with the heat. Please share!

It sleeps. It screams. It has a temper.

So, we figure you're tired of hearing about the kitten and we're sorry about that. It really is a bizarre animal.

It bounces off walls, literally, and then just drops off. You can't wake it up. You can shake it, toss it and move it around. We know that's true because we've seen the staff try. Did they bring home a narcoleptic hairball?

If by some miracle you do wake it up, it screams at you. It also screams if it's out of food or wants a head rub. We heard the staff say it's birth owner named it Screamer, and we know why.



Ernie says you won't believe us, so we conned Staffer Mom into helping us prove it.
Think it's cute now?
(Humans are suckers. You probably do.)

Our post and compost

Gardening must be harder than it looks. Staffer Mom is taking it very seriously, and the intensity doesn't seem to work. A few tomato plants died after the monsoon a few weeks ago so now she won't let us play in the garden at all. We think they just drowned. Either way, Staffer Mom is not amused.

Yesterday, she decreed we can't go near the new hydrangeas either because we made a mess. That's too far. She's cutting into our yard territory, and it's not fair. We didn't hurt the plants. We might have performed a bit of core aeration around them to allow more compost and minerals to flow deep into the soil -- she says that's important to a healthy yard and plant roots. But accusing us of trampling the stalks seems wrong.

It's probably no accident she found a little extra fertilizer this evening in the rows between the new tomato plants and the squash. Hope she gets it off her shoes before she comes in the house. Now that would be a mess.

Out of balance

It's been a normal Sunday around here -- outside time, eat, nap time, outside time....you know the drill.
Except the staff left for a while and came back sad. Apparently, a friend of theirs died when they didn't expect it. Same thing happened a week or 2 ago to another friend of theirs.
We know how it is when you kinda expect it -- we saw that with our old friend Hattie, scrappiest dog ever, and Mr. Tibbs, the cat who was Bandit's best friend. They were tired and just wanted to sleep.

But when you don't expect it, like with our old fat friend Ozzie, it's weird. You keep looking for them, expecting them to nudge you out of the food bowl and wondering how they are doing even when you can't see them. Things are just out of kilter for a while and for no good reason.

It's still cute

The kitten is still cute. It's been 9 weeks, and it's still cute. Surely it will wear off soon. Maggie's used to being the adorable one, so this is really driving her nuts. She's just not dealing with it well.

On another front, the staffers are watching "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here."
We're good dogs. Get us out of here.

P.S. Happy Birthday Uncle Brad. Your present from us is that we've decided not to post the annual embarrassing photo. We're saving up for next year.

We're home

The spa was great, and we're tired. Too much play.

While we were gone, the kitten and Ernie made friends. Now they want to play all the time. We have to endure them as they run around and smack each other.

And another thing: Their toys are all over the house. Looks like we'll have to dispose of a few of them. They apparently forgot about the stuffed fabric and feather thing we destroyed last week. You'd think they'd remember the hot pink feathers we left all over the bedroom as a warning.

Just wait until the staff leaves us alone. Those new fuzzy round things that rattle are going to disappear.

Much-needed time out

We're posting sporadically this weekend since we're at the spa.
The staffers were good enough to recognize we needed a few days away from the manic kitten and took us to the spa for some R&R. (Why do they insist on calling it "the vet"?)

We figure the staff must be planning to take advantage of our absence to take a trip away, because they had a suitcase out and were talking about something called "primo pool time." At this point, we don't care. We're getting great attention, toy time, special treats, a mani-pedi and hot-tub time.

We really hope the staff comes back smelling as nice as we do.

It chases its own tail, and ours, too

The new kitten is getting an unwarranted amount of attention. The staffers have given it toys, and its favorite toy is its own tail. And ours. And Ernie's.

And they've finally named it. Skeeter. What the hell's a Skeeter?

Anyway, we're fine. They are still serving us well, and so far they haven't missed a beat with us. But, we really don't understand the consternation about a kitten. It'll grow up to be a cat and lose all its cuteness. Granted, we love Ernie. He's our buddy, and he's special. This one, though, he can't even get past his own tail. Or ours.

WE'RE BACK! ...and we have a kitten

We took a sabbatical, and we'd planned to return in another month or so. But, events drove us back to the blog.

The staff got a KITTEN (We obviously don't keep them busy enough.). It's tiny, fuzzy and loud. The thing screams all the time. And it keeps spitting at us -- it's capable of these explosive, full-body spits. And belches. You'd think it eats beans all day.


Yeah, we know it's cute. So what? We've seen kittens before.
They roll around on the floor a lot, get plenty of attention, chase stuff and eventually get in trouble for clawing or eating something they shouldn't.

Ernie, by the way, hates it. He's gotten better over the last few days, and he's mellowing a bit. He feels like he's lost a bit of territory. We tell him it won't last.
We remember when he was a kitten. He was pretty well-behaved, but he was a kitten and he can't change that.

Big night(s)

So last night, a dog named Stump won the Westminster.....we like that. If our choices can't win, then an older dog with a great name should. Bandit's inspired by Stump -- he always thought he's be a good show dog and now he's wondering if it's too late to get on the circuit. His Staffer Mom is always telling him how handsome he is.

Tonight's another big night: UNC vs. Duke in the season's first matchup. Careful readers will know we proudly wear Carolina Blue collars for the Tar Heels, and we stand ready to bite almost any Dookie who comes near. (Except Uncle Kevin.) See you later. We have to park ourselves in front of the TV now. Go Heels!

We're on Westminster break

While we're already pretty honked off about the Hound Group finals, we're still hoping for better in later rounds. Right now, we're blogging during the Poodle, Pug and Strange Dog Group -- ok, Non-Sporting Group -- whatever. We do like Dalmatians OK, since our friend Yuki seems to be a very stand-up customer. But what kind of group is it when you mix chows, bulldogs and bichon frises with the pugs and poodles? And the standard poodles always win. Why do the others bother to show up? (It's got to be the stupid ball of fur on his tail.)

Tomorrow night, we root for those dogs with dreadlocks....if they're still in.
Now that the wieners are out, we've to find a kindred spirit somewhere.

It's so cold.....

As many of you know, it's pretty cold here this week.
Yes, we've seen low temperatures before, but not here. No way. In fact, we didn't think the staff would ever move us anywhere freezing again because they don't like it much either.

You're probably asking "How cold is it?"
Glad you asked.

It's so cold:
- The grass cracks when we walk on it.
- Staffer Mom told us not to lick our metal food dishes.
- Ernie the cat had to defrost a freshly killed mouse last night. (He left it on the window sill.)
- We have to break the water before we can drink it.
- Our food is a little extra-crunchy.
- Bandit leaves icicles when he takes a break next to his favorite bush.
- We can see steam coming off our poo.
And,
- We can't roll in deer pee; we slide on it.

Super Bowl stupor

It was a strange weekend at our house. First of all, there was no internet. Again. The staff has to get this figured out.
We do have a few observations to share:
- Puppy Bowl. We noted they'd added an extra deck on the "stadium" this year, but we didn't see nearly enough dachshund action. The Kitty halftime was a nice touch, and we definitely liked it when they dumped a bunch of paper on the cats at the end. We often want to do that to Ernie.
- The Boss. Bandit likes Bruce very much, but neither of us understood why he needed a football game for an opening act. Bandit felt that was disrespectful to Bruce and the Band.
- Commercials. Again, a bunch of big-ass horses. Remember the Sprint dachshund commercial anyone? Dachshund...oxen....you know.
- The Australian Open. Thank heaven it's over. As careful readers know, we love our tennis. But, those 3:30 a.m. match starts were killing us. If the Aussies really want us to watch, could they please move the times to something normal? Maggie was crazed for Serena, so those early mornings were vicious and interrupted our routine. We both admit the Williams sisters doubles team is so scrappy and strong, they should be honorary dachshunds. Definitely on the Fierce List. Definitely.
- The Tar Heels and great basketball. What a great basketball weekend -- buzzer beaters and the Heels on a roll! Oh yeah...Duke lost. Staffer Mom was happy about that.
- And finally, Staffer Mom cooked a lot and we found some pizza cheese on the floor!

Quick rant

How is it fair that the staffers can eat 2 dozen chicken wings in front of us and we don't even get a lick or a bone or anything?
How is that fair?
Just wait until we get back outside near Staffer Mom's new plants.

Nighttime can be funtime

Winter can be tough because it's cold, but for us, it's sometimes worse because it gets dark outside earlier. We can still smell all the good stuff, but it's harder to find our good holes and the neighbor's cat or chihuahua. It's also harder for the staff to figure out we've left the yard and gone exploring.

The other night, we discovered we could run into the neighbors' yards and their outside lights would turn on. Ernie the cat explained it to us: If you move in front of the special spotlights, they come on.

Then, we figured out that all five neighbors have one of those cool lights to scare off bad people and deer. (Doesn't work for deer -- we know that. Willis just thinks they are funny. He says they help him find the good plants to eat.)

Anyway, when it's time to go in the house, we can run away from Staffer Dad and set off the neighbors' spotlights. He tries to track us by following the lights that pop on across the back yards.

So that brings us to the new winter game: Turn on all five backyard lights before we get caught and have to go in. Maggie's up to 3 at a time and Bandit's managed all 5 once. We're considering a point system where each week's winner gets first roll in the fresh deer pee.

Staffer Dad is not amused.

We've been slacking

No, we haven't been in timeout -- and we're pretty sure that's what you thought. We've just been slackers. We've just been having a pretty good time, and we took a break. But we're back.

We'll try to catch you up with our latest adventures:
- Right before Christmas, we woke up one morning and heard all sorts of strange sounds outside...it sounded like the chainsaw and giant suck machine (vacuum cleaner?) all at one time, so that couldn't be good. When we finally got to go outside and check out the noise, we found our favorite big pine trees were missing from the backyard. Bandit was particularly upset to find all the excavation work he'd done around the tree near the weird bush was all gone. Now there was a big hole full of wood chips. We're not really sure what caused this, but we figure there will be lots of termites and grubs in that part of the yard when summer comes. That can't be bad.

- Christmas was fun. Grandma came and slipped us food under the table a couple of times. Staffer Mom took some time off and when she does that, she tends to cook a lot. This time, she cooked so much, she dropped food on the floor a lot, so that worked out well. She can stay home more often.

- The staff got a Wii. And frankly, we think those things are hazardous. First of all, they always move the furniture to play with it, and when Staffer Mom is Wii boxing she gets pretty violent. Last night, she nearly stepped on Maggie twice. When Staffer Dad's playing Wii bowling, he won't let us in the den at all. This was quite unexpected for us and remains an annoying situation.

- Then, we spent New Year's at the beach. It was cold there, but the staff lets us sit on the couch at the beach house and that made up for a lot. Unlike last year, they didn't make us watch all five "Planet of the Apes" movies. Instead, they took the stupid Wii to play with. Now we're worried they'll take away our Wimbledon and U.S. Open vacations to play with that stupid toy.

So that puts us about even...except for our new nighttime yard game. We'll tell you about that later.